Archive for April, 2005

interestingly confusing, confusingly interesting.

Friday, April 29th, 2005

The seller of the colour splash i m eyeing on has changed her mind.. :((
i will hv to pop by kino then..this is taking ages..hmm still cannot decide..
do i really need to get one to paint my world?
oh well, i suppose it does paint it differently from how my mind paints..
nature reacts with machinery reacts with human.
:factors:decisions:timing:possibilities:
a different point of perspective is always interestingly confusing, & confusingly interesting.
question is, do i want to confuse myself further?..now that is interesting..& now, this is not about a lomo cam, afterall. Out of Point. That’s e point! isnt it? dun think jus shoot? ..oh well, back to lomo again..

*I applause 4u if u noe how my thoughts are processed* winks

Insane.

Thursday, April 28th, 2005

was chatting with some frens abt movies.
strange..!
how come those they watched, i nv watch.
those i watched, they nv watch.
no surprised i hv no idea of some films they mentioned..
i’m not exactly a movie buff as much as i would like to, so fine, good to know what to look out for on my next DVD shopping trip.
but what happened when some of my faves are totally unknown to them!?
3 is to 1! y is my selection so different from theirs?
no. i dun recall catching movies in private screening theatres. no. i hv not even catched a show by myself yet! (doing so soon)
now, maybe i shd try & recall who r my movie khakis..
seek solace from them..at least i’m pretty sure we will have some common stuff to talk about!
So that I look less like a freak ….. could i have imagined my life away?
ha haha ha ha …
i noe this blog is damn lammmmmeeeee…& exaggerating…
pls bear with me if u chose to come here to read…*stressed* jus suffered tremendous heartache from a st***d man who always makes my hormones all gone haywire whenever i hear from him! Pls pls..dun haunt me.
dunno what i’m trying to say. doesnt link at all. nvm. freedom of speech. time to pop my pills to keep my insanity at bay.

Paper Dolls.

Monday, April 25th, 2005

Since young i’ve never owned or play with barbie dolls. Not that I mind cos I don’t like them at all! I played with leaves & sands & real abandoned food stalls complete with pots & pans & bowls..perfect for jia jia jiu! But I do play with dolls of one kind - paper dolls. & oh my I adore them so much! My fascination with clothings started since very young. I collected over 30, 40 sets from as low as 25cents for each A5 sheet of these perforated dollies! I’ve got so many that my sis even made an album with pockets to house my dolls according to ‘wardrobe’. SIGH..I didn’t know since when who, or perhaps myself?! threw it all away…. :’(
At the age of wishing & trying to grow up & out of ur kiddy self, perhaps we tend to throw anything that spells childish away. We only cherish things after we’ve lost them? Or do we miss them now because we have lost them? Somehow or rather, funny enuff, I felt those old things that I still have with me are quite useless compared to those precious that were unfortunately discarded conscious or unconsciously along the way. (Many thanks to my ‘helpful’ dad as well) Is it that I was such a gal with bad judgements who always end up with wrong choices or is perhaps the 2nd statement I made above is more correct? That I only know how to appreciate their sentimental value when I can’t have them anymore. In the process of searching for an identity over those years of growing up, its exactly those that represented me got abandoned. How foolish.
Anyone know where to get these colourful paper dolls? Tell me ok? I wanna build my wardrobes again…

Fondly Remembered.

Monday, April 25th, 2005

When I was young, I was quite a tom boy. Or rather, I have quite an interesting childhood experience that not many of the urbanising kids of my age gets to enjoy. I played catching, police & thief & all sorts of boyish role-playing games with my cousins that involved climbing of trees & slopes, hiking, exploring forests on bikes with our dogs taking the lead etc. Those days at my ahma’s kampung house was really filled with lotsa memories. We had a big compound for us to play, hills, slopes, carpentry workshop, mango, rambutan, coconut plantation, my ahma’s garden, even the backdoor from the bathroom area opens up to a very interesting landscape! Abandoned houses or vehicles nearby became our private sanctury cum secret headquarter, with loads of raw material to utilize for our next adventure. There’s this dried out river 200m away with little crabs & insects to play with. It’s also during one of those ‘rough’ days when I caught skin allergy & ever since I’m prone to rashes. Sometimes, my dad will join us on our expeditions & will tell us more about the place, how different it was from last time, & his own adventures when he was a boy. On milder days, of course we have the usual cycling, hopscotch, zero point, badminton & catching on our sunny sandy porch. It’s strange how I never got tanned.. Most interesting was on mid-autumn festivals, when we were allowed to play later into the night, & we like to carry those paper lanterns, form a ghost busting team & walk around scaring ourselves, since theres no street lamps at all, its pretty scary! We only return to change our burnt-out candles where my un-game sis will be stationed there for duty. Not forgetting some impromptu trips to changi beach, where we flew kites or played in the water in our tees & shorts, then go home dripping wet! We will also make spontaneous trips to ubin when my dad feels like it when we are around changi point. My aunts & uncles will always order chendol & ice kacang if we are making a trip to changi beach..afterall we are just 5mins drive away. Thinking back, i sometimes wonder do these memories belong to me or isit a story I’ve heard? Seemed so distant, unfamiliar.. Can never never ever do these again.. Everything’s changing…. Except memories. :)

Err..

Thursday, April 7th, 2005

Love truth, but pardon error.

-Voltaire-

ZZZZzzz..zZz.

Tuesday, April 5th, 2005

i a m ZZZZ z zz . . zZ z

i want to sleep
i longed to sleep
i have to sleep
i need to sleep
i cannot sleep
i have no sleep
i think of sleep
i dreamt of sleep
i count my sheeps

i f e l l a s l e e p

ZZZZ z zz . . zZ z i a m

Perfect World.

Monday, April 4th, 2005

In a world full of flaws,
perfectionism,
is the wrong way to go.

It’s suicidal,
if you attempt to do so.

Save your heart from this hurt,
in a mad mad world,
let ur vision be blurred.

[ attempting is good. trying too hard is undesirable. ]

I Broke Down.

Saturday, April 2nd, 2005

some think i broke down & cry.
some think i need repair & servicing.
its the latter.

“spoilt, needs fixing” i lamented.
“u need to get some spare parts replaced” said friend A.
“can’t, .long outdated & warranty expired. i dun think i can get compatible spare parts anywhere out there in the market now..they r 25yrs old.” was my reply.

i asked ard, realised it can be fixed. with time & space. & good cheer. :)
happy april’s fool.

-01apr05-